Anxiety

I am anxious. But it is pointless now.

So, my workplace, I meant the company that I belong to has been shaking things up thesesday. They created a whole new department related to the convention industry for which I was hired. But, since I, on a provisional basis, work somewhere else until the end of this year, someone else took over and he did all the work to accomplish the mission. I meant, my company has been working vigorioiusly and painstakingly to branch out another department.. so that my company can get bigger, hire more and thus become untouchable. And it kills me that I am not there for the moment.

Anyways, sometimes I think I have nowhere to go back to at the end of this year. Of course, the team that I used to belong to will probably have me back. But, after I moved to this company, they have been solid.. they have been doing excellent as always without me.

Of course, I never thought that the company would not function without me. If you are one of those thinking that your company would not work without you, it is a big misunderstanding. The world runs fine without you no matter how talented, smart, powerful you are at work.

So, I keep thinking which assignment I will be responsible upon my return. That I don't know. I still have about 5 months to run, but seeing my company going thru such changes makes me somewhat feel antsy about my future.

I will probably have a talk with the head of the team and the department in December as to what I would like to do once I come back. I guess, I need to just wait and see. You see previously, I wanted to go back to my originial team.. the toughest of all.. the team where I orginally belong.. with so many opportunities to go overseas .. to learn from my previous awesome colleagues.. and yet it seems like there is another door open.. another team.. another opportunity... something new...

I don't know. A close colleauge of mine said yesterday that I should be worried to much. Well, I guess he is right- There is, at this point of time, nothing I can do to affect what is going on and what is going to happen. Sometimes I think too much about what is ahead of me. I need to refrain myself from doing that.

What a day

Over the lunch, I picked up some cartons of milk and biked home. With the paperbag dangling on the handle, I was going up the hill. Then, the bottom of the bag got torn and 2 cartons of milk imploded. Of course, the milk was all over the asphlat. Thankfull,y I save the rest two cartons.

10 minutes out of 60 minutes has already passed and it was humid and hot. I was in my suit and thus perspiring like a pig. I stopped my bike, took care of the milk and went home. But, the milk that I spilled was still on the asphalt and it was going to rotten and smell bad.. although nobody would care. So, I went back outside with a paperbag and cleaned up the mess with the sun beating down on me. After like 5 mins, it was already 12:20. I needed at least 10 mins to cook up spaghetti and whatnot.

Subsquently, I ran up the steps and opened the door. The moment I was swinging open the door, I knew something was wrong. The tv which I do not own was on and there was sound coming out of it. Yes, it was someone else's. One floor down from crib. As I was shutting the door, I saw the lady lying on the sofa slowing getting up. I sped and shut the door and went upstairs without even saying sorry. At this point, I was literally drenched in sweat and frustrated. My hands were dirty. The past was already boiling.

I calmed myself down by washing my hands first and setting up the table. The eating was okay. But I had to take my shirt and pants off since I was sweating a lot. Yes, I was eating butt-ass naked.

Afterwards, I did the dishes, put the clothes back on and jotted down an apologetic message on a piece of paper for the neighbor downstairs. While putting back the spaghetti sauce in the fridge, the cap fell off and the sauce splattered all over the floor. It has been only 5 hours since I got up. This is too much.

I have almost 10 hours before I go to bed. What is ahead of me? What does my daily horoscope say about today? I should find out-

D-6

It is monday morning. I have only 6 days left before the rock festival. This week is very important because it is going to be the prime time for my work out routines.

Usually, my routines consist of 3 sets; chest, shoulders, tri-cep (Mon/Thr), back, bicep(Tue/Fri), legs(Wed/Sat) coupled with daily abs and 10 mins of cardio (or longer). But since the Rock Festival falls on this Sunday, I am going to mix it up a bit. My legs will be burned out on Monday and Thursday whilst I will work on my chest, shoulders and triceps on Wednesday and Saturday, so that I can boast my muscles if there is any :) I am even considering taking my top off during the concert.. haha. I don't have a six pack.. if I caught heavily, it might appear very subtlely :) Otherwise, it is well kept hidden.

To this end, I even purchased 4 loads of chicken breast in order to load up on protein coupled with 4 cans of canned tuna, a bundle of bananas and some milk. I am excited to go to the gym and get all pumped out. Luckily, this week is a vacation week, so I don't think the gym will be crowded at all.

So far, I've dropped about 2.5 kgs (11 lbs). My jeans don't fit anymore because the unwarrnated fat around my waist has been eradicated. I need to punch a new knotch on my belts.

To some degree, my life has no solid golas at this point. Mainly, this is so because of my current job. And yet, it is good that I need to accomplish something and thrive on it. But the question still remains; what's next after this, then? What should I or what do I want to accomplish?

Sleepless Night

I am Leo. No, it is not my name. My zodiac sign is. I was born in the middle of summer, 1980. And this is probably why I like summer and detest winter. And yet, it is a bit tricky to get a good night sleep thesedays.

I am not a big fant of an air conditioner. So, I would rather not have it on while sleeping. But last night, I had to cave. But still, I woke up in the middle of night, pissed and went back to sleep.

I've been thinking of moving out and getting a bigger or a better apartment. But moving is just a great pain in my neck and I don't want to deal with it now. Well, my landlord hasn't said anything about jacking up the rent. I need to sit with him and talk about the details. I have need to put down more money, I might consider moving out and start hunting. Otherwise, I might just extend another year, save up and THEN move out.

Maybe I should get rid of the big couch sitting in my room to secure more space. My folks are not happy with my living conditions. Again, it is not that I CAN'T afford, but I won't. It is a luxury to me. I CAN own a car, but I won't because I don't need it at this point of my life. I CAN (well probably will soon) own a house but with my own money that I've been painstakingly saving up.

Anyway, it is hot.. but durable hotness it is.

Sign

Is there such as thing as "sign"? I am not referring to traffic signs but an entity highly suggestive of futuristic/present or past events or antities that one can relate to. I usually do not believe in signs since, well you know, you can not prove them. To me, they are just delusional ideas that a person want realized in real life or it is just a distortion of a reality or a phenomenon.

The reason today's topic is sign is because of what happened an hour ago. As I was biking back to work after lunch at home, I was waiting for the traffic signal at a crosswalk. Then, I was thinking, watching random pedestrians, "What are the odds that I run into someone that I know amidst the crowd in the middle of day?"

Then, I felt something in my pocket and it was my cellphone with a text message from a coworker of mine "Hey, Mr. Oh, what are you doing in the middle of day in this area?" I guess she was on her way back to the office after having lunch with her colleagues. Subsequently, we texted each other.

But, there was another reason why I contemplating what I was thinking. About 2 hours ago, I was surfting on the web and happened to land a blog about Korea. And there, I saw my ex girlfriend's picture. That was my first time since.. hmm.. when was it.. Septeber last year. Apparently, the blogger was this guy that she used to mention while we were together.

We broke up last year and since then have had no contact. No fb stalking, no late night calls or whatever. I have completely disconnected any ties with her. And I always thought that she would be back in the state by now as she said when we were breaking up. And yet, she is still in town and we are only 2 miles away from each other. Of course, since then, we have never talked and never ran into each other and never will. And this made me wonder what the odds are that I run into someone in the middle of the street in the middle of day.

Signs.. are they just a simple and naive intrepretation of a certain phenomenon at your own convinience or it is something that the world is trying to say that you need to do something about what is on your mind?

A phone call

This past Saturday, I was sitting at the office, doing nothing. Well, in order to fulfill my monthly overtime quota, I do this from time to time. Anyhow-

My phone started to vibrate and it was one of my aunts. I met her last month at my cousin's wedding. I never met her before. I think I am a second cousin removed to her. My cousin who is 33 years old was getting married, and every relative there talked about when I am going to tie the knots. To save my parents' from being embarassed, I just told them as soon as I find someone compatible. And of course that was not true.

Then, my mother kicked it up a notch by asking aunt if she knew anyone to set me up with since my aunt is a public school teacher and thus has many single female colleagues and most importantly, a public school teacher is one of the most popular marriage material in Korea. This is so because they tend to have 4 month long vacation, get paid well and come off smart a bit. And in Korea, this working condition is nowhere to be found.

As a result, my aunt and I exchanged numbers and she said she'd call me sometime. And the phone call that I have been dreading finally was made.

And I let it go to the voice mail.

To be completely honest, I did not want to get set up. Well, I think it would be correct to say I don't want an arranged marriage primarily because of my parents. So, my grandfather (dad's) used to run a grocery and my grandmother (mom's) used to be one of the regulars. And they cozied up to each other and realized that had a single son and a single daughter.
This is how my parents met and exchanged vows.

I love my parents to death. But sometimes, the way they communicate and interact with each other makes me think about marriage in general. They are so opposite.. very different. But rest assured, it is not like my parents are unhappy. Just like any other couples, they, nay, WE have good times and bad times. And being the go-between and the only child, I also have my own share of happiness and hardships.

Sure, I can put the size of my (well, my parents') fortune in numbers. 3 is the number of houses that my folks poessess. Some million or more is what I make annually. 6 (foot) is how tall I am. (since Korean girls LOVE guys over 6 foot tall) But these are all numbers and are NOT indicative of who I am and what I am. And yet, it is what decides whether I am going to marry the girl set up with me. And this is NOT just right.

Should I give my aunt a call back? Probally I won't. What if she calls back, I will come up with some excuse. Aunt, I really appreacite your intentions, but no thanks. And no thank you, some of my co-workers trying to fix me up as well! I am good for now-

Ellen Page

She is young. She is tiny. AND she is Canadian. And yet, she is extremely talented, so much so that she was in Christopher Nolan's movie; Inception.

It is a bit hard to capture the qualities of hers as an actor since she is very versitile. Because of her physique, her past roles have been normally limited to teen girls. Nevertheless, the roles were fully equipped with interestingly bizzare and unique charateristics enough to even out possible mundacity. For example, she played a teen girl/single parent in Juno, a teen girl/ultimate punisher for a pedophile in Hard Candy, a teen girl/wannabe superhero kid-sidekick in Super and finally a teen-girl(?)/Inception facilitator in Inception.

At the same time, I will be tad worried in the next few years as to how she is going to lead her acting career. Well, because of her physique, her roles never have entailed anything sexual. Even in Hard Candy-  And this might be a snag down the road- I meant, she is one of those girls that you can easily find around you. A girl that you (I mean guys) would like to befriend with. A cool girl who would know a lot of things about guy stuff e.g. rock music, action figures, sometimes sports. And yet you don't need to worry about complicating things with her since you don't necessarily feel attracted to her. It is not that she is not attractive. But it is that you would never consider her that way... unfortunately.

And this might limit the spectrum of her acting. Maybe or maybe not. She is like Michael J. Fox in a way. Both are great actors and yet they may be bounded by a certain typecast that ONLY they can perform.

Well, she is still young and she has a helluv years ahead of her, so I am sure she will figure things out. It will be interesting though to observe her grow up in the years to come.

The Dailyshow with Jon Stewart

Creativity. It is the first word that comes up when I ponder upon The Dailyshow with Jon Stewart. And I envy the creativity since I am not creative.

I think sense of humor is one of the entities that people can obtain. There are natural-born atheletes, scientists or musicians. What about natural-born comedians? Maybe Charlie Chaplin..

But seriously, you can work on your sense of humor and finally become a 'funny guy' Whether it entails slapstick, using pun or sarcasm, everyone can develop his or her own sense of humor. And this is where creativity is required.



The creativity and the beauty essential to Jon Stewart is so called metaphysics. Meta per se means something bigger. Not in details. A big picture. General scheme, whatever you name it.

Normally, the writers of the show would pick out a certain statement or an action from Fox News and graft it with something bigger or more general and add a spin on it, which results in laughters. This rather abstract and indescribable process is the core of the show.


http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes/wed-july-13-2011-matthew-richardson?xrs=share_copy


Had I known about the show before, I would have definitely been willing to stand in a long ass line and waited four hours during my time in Manhattan. This is probably the only regret that I have after I left New York City. It is not broadway, it is not New York steak or pizza or anything. A tv show. I've been to Ground Zero, Time Square, Wall Street (and the giant bull of course) and the Rockafella Center, Little Italy, Soho and whatnot. But I did not expect that I would regret not knowing the show.

Rock and Roll; part I

In about 2 weeks from today, Jisan Rock Valley Festival

is taking place in Jisan, Gyeonggido. I can't wait since my friends and already reserved the tickets to the festival a while ago. Even the final lineup and the time table has been released. Incubus, Jimmy Eat World, 10cm, Jang Ki Ha are coming to town and puting on a show. I am especially excited to have found out that Incubus is playing a full 60 mins. Yes, you heard me right, sir & ma'am.

I can't say I have always been a fan of Rock and Roll. Someone recently asked me who my favorite music artist was. I could not give her an answer since I really don't have one. Well, there is Korean one; Seo Taiji. But assuming that she does not know who that guy was, I did not tell her of course. But when it comes to foreign artists, there really isn't one. Since the first time I heard so called pop music, I have always dabbled in different genres of music. Pop, rock, disco, country, electric, hip-hop and so forth.

But this time I am really amped up because of Incubus. When I was in the military (it was from 01 to 03), my coworker Gonzales and I used to hang out a lot. And he always would put on their CD and hummed to or sang the songs along. The band was very edgy, catchy and rhythmical and I began to like them instantaneously. I think he even gave me the CD, but I don't know where it is now..or was it a Linkin Park? Next time I go to my folk's house, I should look for it.

Also, one of the ex-girlfriends of mine really like Incubus and Brendan Boyd. According to her, the guy was literally every teen girl's McDreamy or hearttrhob when they came out in early 2000. After all, it wasn't just her, but some other American girls that I know of admitted their love for him when they were young. Oh.. rock stars

Anyhow, I've shamefully downloaded their latest album and oldies and goodies on to my mp3 player and been listening to them as time allows. It is still catchy and edgy.

2 weeks from now.. It is going to be so awesome. This is going to make my humdrum summer tad more exciting.

Umbrella

It rained again, but it wasn't too bad. But, right after I finished today's share of officetel hunting, the raining resumed. Riding a bike with an umbrella isn't fun. But I really did not want to get a cab or walk all the way to the gym.

Today something that has walled me off 'the regulars' at the gym got dismantled. As soon as I jumped out of the elevator at the gym, my trainer asked me if I took a wrong umbrella last night. I told him that I was sure to have taken mine. As it turned out, I picked out someone else's and the lady who thought she lost her umbrell was very glad to have it back. However, the story is not that simple. Let's go back to last night.

After finishing my back routines, I was doing leg-raise. And I saw the lady running amok in the gym, saying "Where is my umbrella? Where is it?" I clearly recall it because when I was so focused on my routine, she was loudly talking and it was a bit disturbing.

Do you get it? So, apprently, someone else took her umbrella before I did and he or she brought it back and then I took it over somehow. As I was explaining this to the lady, we all laughed about it. But the thing is, then, my umbrella which is supposed to be sitting at the gym wasn' there. It turns out that the trainer rented it some guy during the day time. So, the lady  offered hers to me, saying "Make sure to bring it back tomorrow." A rainbow umbrella. Great-

As a matter of fact, I have never spoken to the lady. Well maybe once. But she and I (and some other 'regulars') always work out together. Well, together as in "in the same space" Since I don't want to take a longer break than I need to.. don't want to wind up chatting with other guys and dragging my feet, I did not really put effort to make acquaintances with the regulars. Of course, whenever I walk in, I nodd or say hello to some of them, but it is not like I engage in a convo. And she was one of them. But not anymore. I guess I made an acquaintance with her.

I wonder where my umbrella is now. Moreover, I hope it does not rain tomorrow so that I don't need to bike with an umbrella.

Officetel Hunting

What was today like?
First off, it rained as if, as we Koreans say, there was a hole drilled up in the sky. This year, the climate is seriously unsual and unprecented. Don't ask me. I am Leo and hence like summer. But, it is not even humid or hot enough to call it summer. Just rain.. rain.. rain all the time.

Secondly, even though it rained, I finally started to look for new apartment. The current contract is bound to expire at the end of next month. I have been living in this 'one-room" the past three years. The casa de Oh is actually nice in that it is close to everywhere that I need to go e.g. work, gym, supermarket, transportation and all that. This is why it is hard to find a new place with such conditions and convenience.

And yet, I visited three local real estate agencies today and asked for an 'office-tel' Yes, I am trying to move up to an officetel. I have been saving up the past three years like crazy so I CAN buy an office-tel and sublet it and live off of it. Well, not exactly, but I can earn some extra cash every month. And that's what I was going for.. a place that is within my budget.

I really don't feel like borrowing money from my folks. My mother and I talked about providing me some seed money earlier this year, but I had not time to deal with it because of my job situation. In retrospect, I should have done it and invested it since the market has jacked up the price big time. I would have earned couple milion won easily. Everything is about timing. So is love. And this is why I may stink at some entities requiring perfect timing.

So, tomorrow over lunch I plan on visiting more agents and garner some information. This is going to be a big step for me. 3 years, 36 months and 365x3 days. What is ahead of me? I would like to know, but I like not knowing, for now.